Busking Adventures and Pushing Past Fear

(me at South Station in Boston)

Earlier this week, I went to an open mic in Cambridge. I had been talking about going to this open mic for the longest time. But fear kept me from going. Being a mama, I can find many (justifiable) reasons—having children, being tired, not wanting to drive that much, to bail on my musical dreams.  But fear kept me from going.  Plain and simple. I realize now that all these reasons I use to keep me from stepping fully into my music and the path of being a singer/songwriter are based in fear. Fear is not something we like to be in touch with, which is why it sometimes manifests itself in ways that bring keeps us far away from the realization of our dreams. Procrastination, avoidance and sometimes envy are ways that fear shows its face in our creative lives. We fear the rejection of such a tender and precious part of ourselves.

On some level, this path requires that I be out, engaging the world and sharing my music. I love it actually, which is the paradox. The very thing I love can conjure up so much fear in me. So, I’m learning to move anyway. I'm learning to be aware that fear (not lack of talent or all the other critical things I sometimes say to myself) is keeping me from rehearsing or pursing a performance opportunity or writing a song with another artist. And when I bring awareness to it, I don’t have to be paralyzed by it. I can look at my fear (not with scorn—which is my unconscious response to it) and remind myself that I safe and that the fear will pass. And it does.

Another way I made a bold step through my fears was to begin busking. For those of you not familiar with the term, "busking" is simply street performing. You know those musicians you see singing or playing as walkers pass them by? Yes that’s what I'm doing. I am busking at the T stations around Boston (which I had to get a permit to do). I was so afraid of…well, I can’t really say. Maybe I was just afraid of being afraid and my fear causing me to mess up and people start booing me or something crazy like that. The stuff that usually never happens.

Once I set up, got my sound right, I started singing. Nothing earth shattering happened. I sang someone dropped a buck in my box,  people began to turn around and just give a look or nod or slight smile, I was able to ease into it. I was able to relax into my songs and just be. In many ways, it was like wasn’t there, which is interesting.  Once my sista, Nisha arrived with her Cajon, we were on fire! 

The fear of what could happen (but didn’t) FAR outweighed what actually happened. I am learning to release expectations and be with what's happening.  I know that some people have experiences with busking that aren’t as good. But for a first timer, it was very encouraging and I intend to go back next week and the following week.  I don't know how it will turn out, but I'm going to show up. I’m going to sing. I’m going to share and I’m going to do and give my best. I’m going to keep moving forward, scared or not.

In what ways are you ready to leap in your own life? I hope to see you at the T! 

Song of the Week- Week 2: "On love"

Today's song is about love. It not about romantic love. I enjoy romance, but this song is about the aspects of love that require work, reconciliation, reflection and transformation.  Enjoy!
As always, your comments and feedback are welcomed.

Lovingly,
GaBrilla

Song of The Week: Week 1

Last week, I had a conversation about songwriting with my husband that made a huge impression on me. I have been suffering from "writer's block" for a while now. Although I have been performing and collaborating with other musicians, I haven't written a song in almost two years. That's a long time. I thought on some level I didn't really have anything to say in a way that was impactful. I told myself I didn't have the energy, time or support. And frankly, I thought I didn't have anything to write about. Yes, I was drowning in my own sob story of why it was so hard to write songs.

Then my husband told me, "write about your life... about what you are dealing with and working through." I thought, "who wants to hear about me being a stay-at-home mama trying to create meaningful work for herself and building community." But then I thought about it. That IS what I write about it on my other blog. I wrote an e-book about it, so why can't I write songs about it? It became very clear. As soon as we returned home, I got a little pocket notebook I had recently bought and started jotting down ideas. Ideas which resulted in the song I am sharing with you today in addition to  lyrics for other songs.

With that said, I am pushing myself to write a song a week. I am not marrying myself to any formula. Only that I write and record a song per week.  I plan to share snippets of each song here each week and to make the song available for purchase the following week. I'm still not sure how long I will write a song per week. But I wanna strive for 3 months, which is a total of about 12 songs or more depending on how inspired I feel.

Today's snippet comes from a song I wrote called, "This Choice I've Made" which is about the difficulties we are facing as a family and how it impacts me emotionally. It is about the paradoxof going through a hard time, yet still being able to be grateful in the midst of it all. I played around with my cajon and since I LOVE harmony, I added those too!

Your feedback and comments are welcomed.

Beyond the open mic: Part 1

It has been a while since I've posted anything new. I have been in a state of visioning and planning with my music. At this point in my journey as a singer/songwriter, I have been performing for more than 10 years. With that much time under my belt, I have experienced joys, challenges, fears, disappointments and some revelations about the next steps I should take. That being said, I am approaching this next phase of this journey with an open mind.

With this open mind, I am writing this series called, "Beyond the Open Mic." I plan to share with you where I go, what I do and how I feel about it--musically that is. As a singer-songwriter tapping into a new market (and a new market can be a place where you've performed before but have not performed in a long time), I feel it is time for me to avail ourselves to different performance opportunities, spaces and experiences. I feel blessed to be in this unique position. I have been in New England for almost 3 years now, but I have not really gotten my feet wet in the rich music scene here. Part of it is insecurity, the other is time. Now I am ready--scared, but ready!

This past weekend, I received my permit to perform at train stations here in Boston. (sorry for the blurry pic)

I am both excited and extremely nervous. Busking is not a traditional performing experience by any stretch of the imagination. For some, it is a lifestyle, but for me I am scared out of myt mind. I am sure this experience will push me and season me in ways that the "safety" of a venue can not. I also plan to perform at Farmer's markets as well as at cafes and other "traditional" singer-songwriter spaces (park, garden parties, living rooms, etc).

In pursuit of this non-traditional path, there are a few things I need: A Busking amp (plus chords)(for my vocals and guitar) A cart to tote everything around in. That's pretty much it.

Click here to view my wish list with all the items!

Here is where YOU come in!

To help me cover the cost of my amp and the other miscellaneous supplies, I am asking that if you don't already have one of my albums that you purchase one or two or more, by clicking here.

I also wrote an ebook at my other site. Print copies are available for $10.00.

I am also accepting small donations or $5.00 or more towards my street performing expenses. Please click here to donate:

Just so you know what I am up to, here's a little snippet of one of my current musical projects. Here, I am accompanied by Nisha Purushotham on percussion and Sarvenaz on cello at Art is Life Itself.
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Changes

If you have looked in the sidebar, you probably have noticed the button for my new site, www.thevibrantmama.com. This blog will now be a space where I share my music, music events, music reflections and all things music. Urbanmamasong has been a space that has held many ideas and thoughts and I hope that those of you who are subscribed will continue to read my musical musings.

If you are interested in reading about adventures and insights in mamahood, as well as to access workbooks, workshops, books, e-course and other goodies, come on over to The Vibrant Mama. We would love to see you there.

 As for my music. Things are picking up. I played at an open mic the week before last and plan to play again this week. I am connecting with a cellist tomorrow. I hope that goes well and we can build a trio with this amazing sista percussionist I know. More on that later.

 I hope this find you well.

Changes coming soon...

I have been on the fence for a little while about what to do with the direction of this blog. When I began writing about balancing music and mamahood, I was doing more music. The past year, much of my focus has been on being mama. Now I as I'm entering my life as a musician again and working on creating different ways of interacting with you, my friends and supporters, I have decided to make some changes here on my blog.

Urban Mamamsong will now be the space where I write mostly about music, post videos--it will basically be my primary music site until I have another build. This has been my main platform for almost 7 years and I just can't just let it go. But it will be transformed.

From time to time I will write about some aspects of motherhood, but much of that content will be on another site that I am building called, The Vibrant Mama. I gave a little bit of an introduction to the Vibrant Mama a couple of months ago, but soon I will announce it official launch.

In the next month or so, I will be transforming this website to be reflective of what's going on with me musically. Please sign up for my music newsletter to receive updates on shows, videos, free downloads, etc.

Thank you all for your continued love and support.


Love and light,
GaBrilla

Checking in

It is 6:30 AM on a Sunday morning. I am usually asleep at this time but about an hour ago our 13-month old woke up in a mild coughing fit. The last two night's sleep has been interrupted by the same sort of gagging cough, so she and I have spent a good chunk of the wee morning hours in the bathroom with the shower running to steam things up a bit.  Steam and some badger balm goes a long way.  It has gotten a lot better. There’s nothing that can rattle me more than our children being ill. But I give thanks that we feed them well and they usually bounce back pretty quickly after a bout with an illness.

This past month has been transitional, hectic and inspiring. In the last month, my family moved out of our only home since moving to Boston and I launched a 30-Day challenge. The Vibrant Mama 30-day challenge taught me a lot about myself and my capacity to see a self-initiated thing through. I was inspired to do it and I did it. In the middle of a move. When I was tired out of my mind, I did it. It was as much of a challenge for me as it were for those of you who participated. I am deeply thankful for those of who opened those challenges everyday. You truly feed me.

In two days I will be launching “The Vibrant Mama 21-Day Spring Challenge” while working on launching my first e-course in May! I am so excited. It has been a long time coming, but I am ready. If you are interested in signing up for the challenge, sign up here. 

I plan to be more frequent and broad with my posts. I do a lot of writing, which I love, but I would like to give you a little bit more of a window into my life, via photos and videos. Stay tuned. Please leave comments and please subscribe.

Love, light and vibrance!