Today I had a realization. I am not sure if this realization is a result of my working with the Artist’s Way (although I’m sure it has something to do with it,) but as I was cleaning the dishes, I began to think about when I first started writing poems and songs. I reminisced on the eagerness to write and share what I created with my community (audience) and how I would spend hours on end writing, learning how to play my guitar and really being in that space Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi describes as “flow.” I was open and allowing of what was coming through me. There was only myself, my guitar, a tape recorder, a blank piece of paper that I willingly filled at any moment I could. That was a good time.
Now, I write from time to time (not everyday like I used to)and when I think about that “good time” in my creative life, I am forced to look at the ways in which I tell myself that I am working through my procrastination. Most of the time what I will do to “work through it” is to first buy a book that will “help me with move out of it” when what really needs to happen is for me to show up to the page and write, not being afraid for things to come out less than perfect. This is in NO way knocking the helpfulness or necessity of books. Nor is it to deny my love and borderline obsession with books. (Yes, I am a proud bibliophile) but when I have more books on songwriting, writing, art or any other subject for that matter, than actual produced wok, these books that are designed to help me become another subconscious justification for not creating. It becomes another distraction for what I really need to be doing--creating.
Being honest with one’s self is very difficult. I have been giving myself some tough love and as a result, today I started writing a new song and a rough draft for the first section of my e-book. I believe in being gentle and loving, but sometimes we have to be firm, put our foot down and make ourselves get down to business.
I have everything I need to create.